There are a few things that have come to my attention lately.
1. Salmon are RULL ugly. Look at this mofo:
you need braces for that underbite.
I would not want to meet him in a dark underwater alley. Would you?
2. Bobcats are funny-looking.
Seriously, what’s with the chops? He looks like Martin Van Buren.
Hey Bobcat, 1837 called and it wants its hairstyle back.
3. I feel like you all should know I was hit in the head by a door on Friday. It hurt and I slept all day and Riley made me wake up every hour to see if I was still alive which pissed me off but I was too tired to do anything about it. But I am OKAY now.
This was in an email from my supervisor to somebody dealing with worker’s comp:
Based on what I am reading regarding the leave procedure, she is supposed to use sick time, but I think it’s kind of unfair since someone slammed a door in her head unintentionally.
My life only gets better and better, people.
avocadoexplosion! 
Bob cats are not funny looking. They are sexy.
I don’t know how I feel about that. I’m inclined to disagree, I do know that much.
Medium head-wound girl. MEEEEEEDIUM HEAD WOUUUND GIIRRRRRLLLLLLL.
Also, your picture of salmon is unfair. That is not a Chinook, or “King” salmon, which are actually beautiful and elegant creatures. I should know. I’ve caught them before. Yes, I am that amazing. That is a glorious picture of a glorious ocean phase Chinook:
What you’ve pictured there is a male sockeye salmon in freshwater phase. Which are yes ugly as butt.
Fun fact (I use the term fun loosely here): Salmon, when spawning, return up the river where to the very spot they were born, by some strange, preternatural miracle of fish-brain recollection, which I will henceforth call, “fisholection.” They hump like crazy, stop eating, get ugly as fack cause they’re not eating, and then die.
So, in conclusion, posting a picture of one particularly ugly species of salmon in its most particularly ugly phase of his life-cycle is flat bad journalism. F triple minus.
Yep, that WAS fun.
Boyfriend, you are on probation. Blog probation. Blogbation.
we had a term for ’em. “voodoo salmon”. and man, they reek from the inside out.