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IT’S HALLOWEEN WOOOOoooOOOooooOOOOOOOO October 31, 2011

Filed under: humor — avocadoexplosion @ 2:41 pm
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I rarely do anything for Halloween because let’s face it.  I am lazy.  Dressing up takes a lot of time and energy and money, all of which I don’t have right now.  I always have grand ideas of what I’m going to dress up as, but they never pan out because I never actually go to get the stuff to make a costume.  This year, I was going to be Old Gregg:

But I didn’t.  Although I really did want to wear a pink tutu and seaweed hair and drink Bailey’s from a shoe.  Dammit, why can’t I get my act together.  OH WAIT it’s the same reason I have piles and piles of clothes on the floor and drink wine that has been left out for days and has drunk flies in it.  I guess there’s still time to go get a costume, but my lazy ass is staying in my house and handing out sugar to children.  To celebrate Halloween this year, I decided to watch scary movies/TV shows for an entire weekend (cliche, I know) and talk about them here.

  • Paranormal Activity.  The only reason I watched this was because it was on my Netflix streaming and I don’t have to pay for it.  Holy shit.  This movie was terrifying. I spent the whole night making Riley hold my hand so I could squeeze the shit out of his fingers when I got scared.  The only thing was that I didn’t like the end because it reminded me of Devil’s Advocate when the demons twist the faces of the people that you think are people but they’re really demons.  You know that part.  It looked cheesy then, and it looks cheesy now.  Other than that, I kept yelling at Katie and Micah to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE NOW JESUS CHRIST WHAT ARE YOU DOING GET OUT.  Seriously, why don’t people just leave when these things happen?  After we had finished watching it, Riley went over to a friend’s house, which I thought was just rude, seeing that I was obviously in a state of terror.  Fifteen minutes later, I went into the kitchen to get another glass of wine (what. don’t judge me) and saw A CAR PULL OUT OF OUR DRIVEWAY.  I called Riley STAT and was like hey were you sitting in the car texting for 15 minutes and just left? and he goes no, I’ve been at Tim’s this whole time, fool.  Ok he didn’t say fool.  But here’s what freaked me out- our driveway is pretty long, and this car was right next to the house- it wasn’t like they just pulled in halfway and then turned around again.  Please tell me that wouldn’t freak you out.  Then when we went to sleep I made Riley hold me so nothing would drag me down the hall into the closet and then I freaked out because he was breathing heavily when he went to sleep which OF COURSE made me think that he had been possessed and was going to murder me in my sleep.

excuse me...i think you have something on your face...like a demon

  • Paranormal Activity 2.  That’s right, fools.  I watched this one the VERY NEXT MORNING after the other one.  It wasn’t as good because I pretty much knew the story by then, but it was still scary.  I certainly did not like when the demon thing hurt the dog, and let me tell you why.  It’s because I like dogs better than people in general.  Also, I will be going to see Paranormal Activity 3 in theaters very soon because why wouldn’t I.  These movies are fantastic.
  • 1408.  I had seen this before quite a while ago and didn’t remember it.  I now know why.  Mostly because I love John Cusack in High Fidelity and in 1408 he has like 3 more chins and some love handles and a mullet and some large suitcases that he seems to have stuffed under his eyes.  You know, I think I’m about to break the woman code here…I have begun to realize that I only like John Cusack in High Fidelity.  I know…it’s sacrilege.  High Fidelity is my favorite movie of all time, which is enough to make me watch any John Cusack movie that was ever made, but most of them just disappoint me.  Oh wait, I do like Serendipity.  I guess I like Grosse Pointe Blank too.  Also, it does not snow or rain in hotel rooms.  1408, you are dead to me.  DEAD I SAY

YES

NO

  • The Human Centipede.  Another one on Netflix streaming.  Most of Netflix’s streaming movies are a load of poopy crap, and this was no different.  I watched about 45 minutes into it (wherever he sews the two girls and the dude together) and then got RULL bored with it.  Obviously the basis of it is unbelievable.  Just FYI, if someone’s asshole is ever sewn to your mouth, you have been a complete idiot in life and have made bad decisions.  Again, the thing that really got me was the 3 dogs sewn together.  No dog deserves that.  Slutty girls?  Maybe so.

OH EXCUSE ME WEIRD SWEDISH MAN CAN WE JUST COME INTO YOUR HOUSE FOR A SECOND AND NOT EXPECT TO BE MURDERED OR SEWN TOGETHER LIKE A HUMAN CENTIPEDE

  • The Walking Dead.  This TV series came highly recommended, but I am a huge skeptic of zombie movies/TV shows BECAUSE THEY ARE ALL THE SAME.  I exclude 28 Days Later, Shaun of the Dead, and Zombieland here because the first is really pretty great, and the second two are HILARIOUS.  The Walking Dead is basically a zombie movie stretched out into a TV series, which bores me.  Also, why do people in these shows that are supposed to be set in our century act as if they have never heard of zombies?  Pretty much everyone I have ever known knows what a zombie is, but it’s like people are hearing about the Internet for the very first time in the year 2011 when they encounter zombies.  Stupid.  Where have you been living?  Under a rock?  Maybe that’s why zombies are invading your poorly prepared town.

It's almost a gift of some women to make ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING slutty. ZOMSLUT 2011

I think I’ll dress up as haven’t-showered-in-2-days girl tonight.  Oh wait, I don’t have to dress up for that.  Bahahaha.  I wonder if I can find a way to make it slutty.

This is what happens when you look up "slutty hippie" on google image search.

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8 Responses to “IT’S HALLOWEEN WOOOOoooOOOooooOOOOOOOO”

  1. urstoff Says:

    Human Centipede 2 looks even more amazing. Read the synopsis here (not mind safe): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Human_Centipede_2_(Full_Sequence)

  2. Pauline Says:

    “Seriously, why don’t people just leave when these things happen? ”

    I ask myself this every time I watch a scary movie, well that and why do the women always manage to frickin’ trip while the bad guy is chasing them!

    The Walking Dead is o.k. the second season is kinda meh so far. READ the comics though! They are awesome!

  3. mediaudio Says:

    I thought the human centipede was a lovely film. It was so inspiring to see Dr. Heiter finally find his pet after all those minutes into the film. I was falling off the edge of my seat in lack of suspense and laughter or crying too softly to remember. I prefer The Human Spider.

  4. Seen Paranormal activity – Tokyo Night? :-)


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